Quiet down class! They don’t pay me enough to have to raise my voice over you disruptive little pricks!!!… Now today we have a substitute teacher, and her name is Miss Jewels. She will be teaching your sex education class this afternoon, as I have an appointment to get nails done and a pedicure. As many of my more well-endowed students may know, I have another part time job which requires that Miss Dupre look her best. I suppose you could say it’s in the field of education, but it actually requires less clothing. And frankly, if I had to depend on a teacher’s salary alone, I couldn’t afford the gas to get here. Of course I know you’ll all miss me and my fleshy ruler, but I assure that Miss Jewels is more than capable of teaching you all your much-needed lesson. Miss Jewels is to be treated with the utmost respect, or I’ve instructed her to bend you over a desk and give you the necessary one-on-one attention that you may need. Of course, if you’re all good boys and girls, she may just let you polish her apples and give you a lollipop to suck on. My guess is that no one will be skipping out of class once she begins today’s show and tell period. And if you want to pass this class with flying colors, I suggest you meet her privately for extra help. I pass you now to Miss Jasmine Jewels!

Do you understand me, class?

If some of you can't see, move your desks closer to the front of the room.

Who wants an extra credit assignment?